God, It's Me And We Need To Talk

June 15, 2012

Today I need to have a little chat with God.  So stop right here, and just scroll all the way to the bottom to the photos. 

God, I need a few moments of your time to try to work my way through some troubling time. 

I was raised in a world where you respected your elders and most everyone in general.  You did not have to like everybody, and you did not have to act like the people you didn't like were your best friends.  You just had to respect other people and their feelings and beliefs.

My world has also been one filled with tremendous loss.  Because of my mother's illness, we kids were brought up separated from the rest of the family.  Next came the loss of my parents.  My youngest child was given into a world of her own at four months when she contracted meningitis, never to know us again.  My eldest child was among the missing for nearly thirteen years before being reunited with us.  I have to say that this was the worst loss because of the unknown.  Is she alive?  Is she okay?  This has to be the biggest heartbreak for parents.  At least death has an ending.

Next came the deaths of my two best  friends.  In between all of this, life happens and continues to toss in lots of painful obstacles.  But I persevered.  After this I lost a daughter to a car crash, my hubby was next, and then my brother.  My little dog has been battling a nasty debilitating disease for nearly seven years, all with no complaining. 

When Michael and I met and fell in love, it wasn't all peaches and cream.  The biggest problem was my soon to be mother in law.  This lady spent a good many years doing her best to make my life hell.  Not only did I come along after hubby and his ex-wife decide to divorce (this alone made me a tart), but the real biggie was that I was not Jewish.  Ma Ruth wanted a nice Jewish girl for her son, and that was that!  I'm protestant. 

Through all of this, I was never rude to her.  I did not like her very much, but she was my Michael's mother.  I never tried to stop him from spending time with her or doing things for her.  I never ever made him feel that he had to choose between her or me.  This was his mom, and he had every right to love her and be with her.  I think this is probably part of the reason that as the years went by, Ma Ruth actually came to like me and accept me as her daughter in law.

When my son remarried, I thought his new wife was just lovely.  She was very pretty and soft spoken.  But she lied to me about a few things.  I let all of this go, and accepted her for who and what she was.  My girls and her did not get along for various reasons, and I spent many years trying to keep the peace so as not to alienate my daughter in law.  So many times, I bit my tongue and kept my feelings to myself. 

I did not have to agree with her ways, but I did respect her and her wishes.  She was my son's chosen partner.  He should love her and their children first, but then still love and enjoy the rest of his family.  This, however, was not to be.  His wife has spent so much effort over the years alienating him from the rest of us.   I won't go into all the many details, but a lot of it has really hurt my heart.

Yesterday, I got a package in the mail.  This one was another heart breaker.  I sent my son a package of coffees because I know that they like ground coffee, and can't always get their favorite kind near where they live in Florida.  The coffee was returned to me along with a "like her or else" letter.  So I guess she's not going to let him even have a connection with me any more. 

My son now only has one family member left that he's allowed to be friendly with.  I can only guess how long that will last.  I have never mentioned this lady or her children by name here (that I can remember), and I've never posted their photos here because she forbade me to.  I respected her wishes, and left them off  my blog.  A little over a year ago, Belinda and her children, Jeremy, Jessyca and Jordyn let me know in no uncertain terms that either I played nice nice to Belinda, or they would have nothing more to do with me. 

So now, they seem to all have hurt feelings because I no longer send cards or presents.  No more phone calls just to see how they are doing.  Excuse me, but they DID say they wanted nothing to do with me.  So why do they still want cards or presents?  Why do they feel like I abandoned them?  Don't they realize that they chose to abandon me?

God, my heart is heavy and I'm really getting tired of all these mountains you keep leading me to.  Can't you make them just small hills?   At least for a while?  I know I shouldn't be whining, but this morning I'm a bit tired and feeling blue.  It will pass.

I am thankful God, for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me.  Today I will change from my flip flops to my sneakers, at least until I get to the other side of this hill.   And God, thank you for letting me get a lot of this off my chest.  Now I'm going to hug Tootsie and enjoy my day with her.

Love, Me. 

Here are some turkey photos that I took around 5 a.m. this morning at work.  I think they are quite appropriate for today.  lol.